But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
