2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
