he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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