Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
