I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
