the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
