Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
