I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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