You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
