Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone came in the potted fern
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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