so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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