Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
