This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
