ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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