The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
