How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
