Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
