I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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