I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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