i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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