If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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