You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
