Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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