I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
