We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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