I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
