where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
