i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
