y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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