Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
