oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
