Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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