she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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