and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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