lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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