Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
