So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
