Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
