We won't sleep together?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
