He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
