So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
