in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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