The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it because I queefed?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
