My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
