my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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