her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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