are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
