i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just pee around me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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