How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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