her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
