I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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