Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
