nut hugger
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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