I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
