Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
