He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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