Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
