I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
