we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
