i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
